Anonymous said: hi curious anon here. im not trying to be mean or anything cause I really love your blog and I agree with you on almost everything, but can you explain to me why you hate the 'not all men' thing so much? I honestly just don't understand it and would like to have a better grasp on why you feel the way you do. :)
this ask in my redirect tag explains it in short, this Slate article about the #YesAllWomen tag is good too, and also the fact that someone talking over women and prioritizing their hurt feelings over the valid fear a woman might have is really selfish and shitty.
Men aren’t saying that their issues are more important than women’s, or that they don’t support women, in fact by saying “not all men” we are saying that we do support women!! That we are your side! That we want to help fix the problem! Not all men are your enemy!! We recognize that there is a problem, and WE WANT TO FIX IT. So stop criminalizing us.
oh my goodness you seriously don’t understand at all.
just shouting “not all men” is the most useless thing because DUH.
we already know “not all men”. all of us know that already. every single one of us. saying “not all men” is like saying “you were attacked by a german shepard so why are you afraid of ALL dogs???” when people shout “not all men” all they’re doing is screaming that the sky is sometimes orange when we’re upset that’s it’s blue.
saying “not all men” puts the focus on how you apparently personally are A Good Man Who Won’t Hurt Us when in all honesty you’re just being a selfish asshole and shifting the focus to you when it’s about the imbalance of power in society resulting in justified fear for our lives.
no shit not all men are Like That. but all men have a responsibility to set those men who are Like That straight. because when you don’t teach your sons consent, when you don’t teach your daughters that her body is hers, when you perpetuate gender roles and casual sexism, when you talk over women on women’s issues, when you selfishly pretend this is a personal attack on you when it’s about systematic misogyny, when you trivialize oppression, when you invalidate someone’s anger, when you weaponize support or are even just being a passive bystander, when you shout “not all men are Like That!!”, you are being Like That.
I completely agree that good men have a responsibility to set the men that are a problem straight. That’s what I’m saying. By saying “not all men” we are acknowledging that problem and acknowledging that we need to do something about it. I’m not trying to say it like “oh no not me I’m not like that” I’m trying to say it like “some of us are here to help”. I agree that there are major problems in our society with mysogyny (I don’t think that’s spelled right…) and rape culture and male entitlement. By saying “not all men” I’m saying that some of us want to help you, that we want to do what’s right. It’s not meant to trivialize your problems, it’s meant to emphasize them among those who are male and want to help.
and here’s what’s wrong with what you’re saying:
- WE KNOW
we already know that there are men who want to/try to help, you don’t get a cookie for being a decent human being, you don’t need to be emphasized at all. there is literally no reason to.
saying “stop criminalizing us” and trying to “emphasize that there’s good men too!!!” in an issue about women’s safety in a world of misogyny is selfish.
by saying “not all men” you feel like you’re helping, but what you end up doing is annoying, selfish, and entitled anyway. you feel entitled to our mercy, entitled to our unwavering gratitude that you are being a decent human being, entitled to the privilege of being emphasized, when you are already emphasized every single day in every single possible media outlet in society anyways.
you want to help? stop pointing your megaphone at us, and instead, hold it up for us.
I don’t think you totally understand what I mean when I say “not all men”, but that last line actually was very powerful, and I see where you are coming from? I should just fight the patriarchy, rather than saying I will. I still think the whole “not all men” thing is somewhat misunderstood, but I also get why we shouldn’t be using it. Thank you for opening up my mind :)
thank u for getting it pal